"This autoimmune disease is divine discipline for past sins I haven't dealt with."
How it sounds in your head: I know what I did in college, the years I wasted, the people I hurt. Maybe this is the bill coming due - my body attacking itself because God is dealing with my sin. Confession hasn't stopped it, so maybe the debt isn't paid yet.
"And you, being dead in your trespasses and the uncircumcision of your flesh, He has made alive together with Him, having forgiven you all trespasses, having wiped out the handwriting of requirements that was against us, which was contrary to us. And He has taken it out of the way, having nailed it to the cross."
-- Colossians 2:13-14Source: Religion - teaching that sickness is punishment for sin, turning the Father into a vindictive judge instead of the one who already punished His Son for your sin.
You DO have regrets and unresolved guilt, and this disease starting after those years feels like cause and effect. The theology of sowing and reaping as punishment gives a logical explanation for illogical suffering.
Paralyzed, lowered through a roof by desperate friends. Jesus' FIRST words: 'Son, your sins are forgiven' - then immediately 'Rise, take up your bed and walk,' proving forgiveness and healing are one package, both instant, neither earned by the man who couldn't even ask.
I REFUSE the lie that this disease is punishment for my past. IT IS WRITTEN that God has forgiven me ALL trespasses and nailed the charges to the cross - the debt is PAID. There is NO condemnation for those in Christ Jesus. My past was buried in baptism; my present is hidden in Christ; my future is secure in His promise. IT IS WRITTEN that by His stripes I was healed - healing was purchased the same moment forgiveness was. I walk in the BARAK blessing where even liars, deceivers, and murderers were protected and prospered by covenant, not by performance.
The Father isn't making you pay for what He already charged to His Son's account at the cross - He's running toward you with both forgiveness AND healing, neither dependent on you 'dealing with' your past. Like the prodigal, you're restored before you finish your confession.