"My parents' abuse was my fault—I must have been a difficult child."
How it sounds in your head: I've spent a lifetime wondering what I did to make them so angry. Maybe I was too loud, too needy, too much. Good children don't get treated that way, so I must have provoked it.
"The soul who sins shall die. The son shall not bear the guilt of the father, nor the father bear the guilt of the son. The righteousness of the righteous shall be upon himself, and the wickedness of the wicked shall be upon himself."
-- Ezekiel 18:20Trauma bond lie that makes the victim responsible for the abuser's behavior as a way to maintain control in an uncontrollable situation.
If it was her fault, that meant she had some control—if she could just be good enough, quiet enough, perfect enough, it would stop. Blaming herself felt safer than accepting she was powerless against their cruelty.
Brutally raped by her half-brother Amnon, then blamed and silenced by her brother Absalom who told her 'hold your peace.' She bore the shame of a crime done TO her. The text explicitly states Amnon 'forced her'—no ambiguity about who was responsible, regardless of what anyone said afterward.
I REFUSE the lie that I caused or deserved the abuse I suffered. IT IS WRITTEN that the wickedness of the wicked is upon HIMSELF—their sin was their own, not mine. I was a child, powerless and innocent, and what was done to me was NOT my fault. IT IS WRITTEN that God is near to the brokenhearted and saves the crushed in spirit. I declare that I carry NO GUILT for what others chose to do. The Father has always seen the truth.
The Father sees that little girl trying to figure out what she did wrong and He's weeping with rage at what was done to you. He's whispering, 'You were NEVER the problem. You were the TREASURE they were too broken to cherish. Their abuse revealed THEIR darkness, not your worth.'