"I can't forgive my mom for how she treated me; she doesn't deserve it."
How it sounds in your head: She was supposed to protect me and she didn't. She was critical, controlling, or absent. Why should I let her off the hook when she's never even truly apologized? Forgiving feels like saying what she did was okay.
"And you, being dead in your trespasses and the uncircumcision of your flesh, He has made alive together with Him, having forgiven you all trespasses."
-- Colossians 2:13Source: Religious teaching that forgiveness is transactional and that you must wait until someone deserves it or earns it through repentance.
Your pain is real and ongoing. She may still be toxic, boundary-violating, or completely unaware. Forgiving feels like minimizing your experience or giving her what she hasn't worked for.
Joseph's brothers sold him into slavery, and he spent 13 years in prison because of their jealousy. When they finally stood before him terrified, Joseph didn't make them grovel or earn forgiveness—he wept, embraced them, and said God meant it for good. Instant grace for the brothers who ruined his life.
I REFUSE the lie that I must wait to forgive my mother until she deserves it or apologizes perfectly. IT IS WRITTEN that God forgave me ALL trespasses while I was dead in sin—I didn't earn it, and neither does she. Forgiveness is not agreement; it's RELEASE. I choose to release her debt not because she earned freedom, but because I WANT freedom. IT IS WRITTEN that bitterness defiles many, but I am covered by the BARAK blessing that breaks generational cycles. I declare that unforgiveness has no power over my future, my relationships, or my peace. I am FREE right now.
The Father isn't waiting for your mom to get it right before He heals your heart—He's already healing you. He sees every wound she caused and He's not minimizing it; He's covering it with a love so fierce that it transforms your pain into purpose without requiring her cooperation.