"I'm only here because abortion wasn't an option then—my mother would have chosen differently if she could have."
How it sounds in your head: You did the math. You know when abortion became legal. You know your mother's circumstances. You heard her talk about friends who 'took care of it' in later years with a tone that made you wonder. Now at 77, you can't shake the thought that you're only alive because of timing, not because you were wanted.
"Your eyes saw my substance, being yet unformed. And in Your book they all were written, the days fashioned for me, when as yet there were none of them."
-- Psalm 139:16Source: Enemy using historical/legal context and imagined scenarios to make you feel like you survived by technicality, not love.
The circumstances were hard, the pregnancy was difficult, and in a different decade with different laws, maybe the outcome would have been different. The 'what if' haunts you.
Born into captivity, orphaned, living under a genocidal decree against her people—every circumstance screamed she shouldn't survive or matter. Yet Mordecai told her, 'You have come to the kingdom for such a time as this'—her existence was divine timing, not accident.
I REFUSE the lie that I'm alive by accident or that my mother would have chosen differently. IT IS WRITTEN that God saw my unformed substance and wrote all my days in His book before one of them came to be. No human law, no circumstance, no imagined choice could override Heaven's decree. I was wanted by the King of Kings. IT IS WRITTEN that I am blessed in the city and in the field, that I am the head and not the tail—the BARAK blessing has protected my life from conception to this moment. I have come to the kingdom for such a time as this. I am alive on purpose, for a purpose, by divine design.
The Father saw you in the womb and stationed angels around your mother's heart, guarding you, protecting you, ensuring you arrived. He didn't leave your existence to chance or human choice—He decreed it from eternity and made it so.