"I had multiple abortions and repeatedly rejected conviction, so I'm hardened beyond reach."
How it sounds in your head: It wasn't just once—it was three times, or four. Each time I felt conviction and did it anyway. That's not ignorance; that's willful rebellion. I hardened my heart past the point of return.
"Moreover the law entered that the offense might abound. But where sin abounded, GRACE ABOUNDED MUCH MORE."
-- Romans 5:20Source: Religious teaching about 'resisting the Holy Spirit too many times' creating a point of no return, a works-based limit on grace.
The repetition makes it feel like you deliberately rejected God multiple times, and the pattern seems to prove a hard heart. If once is forgivable, surely four times crosses a line.
Israel rebelled, was delivered, then rebelled AGAIN—many times in 40 years, testing God ten times according to Numbers 14:22. God's response? 'Nevertheless He regarded their affliction when He heard their cry, and He remembered His covenant' (Ps 106:44-45). Repeated rebellion, repeated mercy.
I REFUSE the lie that repeated sin proved my heart was too hard for grace to reach. IT IS WRITTEN: where sin abounded, grace abounded MUCH MORE—there's no limit, no quota, no 'three strikes.' The very fact I'm devastated by this now proves my heart ISN'T hardened. IT IS WRITTEN that He is not willing that any should perish—'any' includes me, even with my history. I will not measure His infinite grace by my finite failures. The BARAK blessing isn't rationed based on how many times I fell. I am forgiven, fully and finally, because of JESUS' performance, not mine.
The Father didn't count your falls and decide at number three that you were done—He kept track so He could show you how much MORE His grace is than your sin. Each abortion you grieve, He grieved with you, and He's been waiting to pour healing over every single one the moment you'd let Him.