"Our infertility is punishment for considering abortion years ago when we weren't ready."
How it sounds in your head: You remember the conversation, the fear, the clinic website open on the laptop late at night. You didn't go through with it, but you thought about it seriously. Maybe God saw that, saw you weren't grateful for the potential gift then, and now He's making you beg for what you almost rejected.
"As far as the east is from the west, so far has He removed our transgressions from us."
-- Psalm 103:12Enemy turning even unconmmitted thoughts into permanent disqualification, making God's response punitive rather than gracious, creating false cause-and-effect.
The timing feels like poetic justice: you didn't want a baby when it could have happened easily, now you desperately want one and can't have it. The symmetry feels intentional, like cosmic payback.
Peter didn't just consider denying Jesus—he actually DID it, three times, with cursing and swearing, at Jesus' moment of greatest need. Yet after resurrection, Jesus didn't punish or disqualify him. He restored him with three affirmations of love and gave him the keys to launch the church. Past failure didn't determine future assignment.
I REFUSE the lie that past thoughts or considerations disqualify present blessing. IT IS WRITTEN that as far as the east is from the west, so far has He removed my transgressions. That moment of fear, that consideration, that hesitation—it's removed infinitely far from me. IT IS WRITTEN in Romans 8:1 there is NO condemnation for those in Christ. Peter denied Jesus three times and was restored to leadership. I am under the BARAK covenant that blessed Jacob the DECEIVER. My Father doesn't operate a punishment system; He operates GRACE. I receive children as GIFT, not as something I have to earn back or prove I'm worthy of. My past doesn't write my future—His promises do.
Your Father didn't mark that moment of fear and hesitation in a file to use against you later—He removed it as far as the east is from the west. While shame says 'you don't deserve children after considering rejecting one,' He says 'that's covered, forgotten, removed—now come receive the blessing' and He's already running toward you.