"I'm too intense and passionate. I should have been calmer and more moderate in everything."
How it sounds in your head: I've always felt things deeply and pursued things with fire. People called me 'too much,' 'over the top,' 'exhausting,' and I learned to apologize for my intensity. Now at eighty-seven, I wonder if my passion was actually a lack of self-control, if godliness meant being moderate and balanced instead of burning bright.
"Not lagging in diligence, fervent in spirit, serving the Lord."
-- Romans 12:11Culture fears passion and demands moderation, labeling intense people as 'unstable' or 'too much,' especially women.
She's spent decades toning herself down to fit in, and now wonders if her natural intensity was the problem all along. The world taught her that 'balance' was holiness.
When Israel sinned, Phinehas responded with such INTENSE, VIOLENT zeal—running a spear through two people—that God said his PASSION turned away wrath and earned a covenant of peace. God didn't rebuke his intensity; He REWARDED it with a perpetual priesthood.
I REFUSE the lie that my intensity is sin. IT IS WRITTEN to be FERVENT in spirit serving the Lord—God commands PASSION, not moderation. My fire has ignited others, refused compromise, and burned away apathy in rooms full of the lukewarm. IT IS WRITTEN that God will SPIT OUT the lukewarm—He doesn't want my 'balance'; He wants my BLAZE. Phinehas's intensity earned him a covenant; my passion has been just as righteous. I am not 'too much' or 'exhausting.' I am ABLAZE with the Spirit of a God who is CONSUMING FIRE. My intensity is HIS intensity burning through me. I am EXACTLY as fierce as He made me.
The Father is running toward you with FIRE in His eyes saying, 'Your passion has reflected MY burning heart! You've refused to dim when the world demanded dimness.' He's not asking you to calm down—He's fanning your flame even brighter.