"I must have done something to deserve this pain. It's punishment for my past."
How it sounds in your head: You know what you did. Those years of living wild, the damage you did to your body, the sins you committed. This is payback. You sowed destruction, now you're reaping it. God remembers what you want to forget.
"having wiped out the handwriting of requirements that was against us, which was contrary to us. And He has taken it out of the way, having nailed it to the cross."
-- Colossians 2:14Religion's karma lie wrapped in Christian language, denying the finished work of the cross and making you earn blessing through good behavior.
You DO have regrets. You weren't always careful with your body or pure in your choices. When pain hits, it's easy to connect it to past mistakes and assume God is settling accounts.
Lifetime criminal, dying for his crimes, deserved execution. No time to make amends, no restitution possible, no 'process' of restoration. One moment of faith: 'Remember me.' Jesus' response: 'TODAY you will be with Me in Paradise.' Instant, complete, undeserved acceptance.
I REFUSE the lie that I'm being punished. IT IS WRITTEN that God wiped out every charge against me and nailed it to the cross—past tense, FINISHED. There is NOW no condemnation for those in Christ, and I am IN CHRIST. IT IS WRITTEN that as far as the east is from the west, so far has He removed my transgressions from me. I am not reaping karma—I am reaping the BARAK blessing of Abraham, which protected liars, deceivers, and murderers because it's based on COVENANT, not behavior. I am the righteousness of God in Christ, and I receive healing NOW as a son, not a slave.
Your Father isn't keeping a list of your failures to punish you with. He's the prodigal's father, running toward you while you still smell like the pig pen of past mistakes, wrapping you in the robe of righteousness and throwing a party. He's not angry—He's eager to bless you.