"I hate them and that makes me a bad Christian. I can't move forward until I stop hating them."
How it sounds in your head: Real Christians love everyone, even enemies. The fact that I feel rage, not love, toward my parents means I'm failing spiritually. God must be disappointed in me, and I'm stuck in unforgiveness until these feelings change.
"There is therefore now no condemnation to those who are in Christ Jesus."
-- Romans 8:1Religion demanding emotional performance as evidence of spirituality, making feelings the measure of righteousness instead of Christ's blood.
The anger is real and intense, and every Christian message about love makes her feel like a fraud for feeling rage toward her parents.
David literally prayed, 'Oh, that You would slay the wicked, O God! I HATE them with PERFECT hatred; I count them my enemies'—and God called him a man after His own heart. Raw emotion didn't disqualify his righteousness.
I REFUSE the lie that my anger makes me a bad Christian. IT IS WRITTEN there is NO condemnation for those in Christ—not less condemnation, NONE. My feelings don't define my righteousness; CHRIST does. IT IS WRITTEN I am the righteousness of God IN CHRIST, not in emotional performance. God is big enough to handle my rage, my disappointment, my hatred, while holding me in PERFECT LOVE. I don't have to manufacture feelings I don't have. The BARAK blessing covers me even when I'm angry—it covered Jacob the DECEIVER, Abraham the LIAR. I am loved, accepted, blessed RIGHT NOW, rage and all. My honesty doesn't repel God; it ATTRACTS His comfort. I am safe to feel everything while being held in perfect love.
Father didn't wait for the prodigal to stop being angry at his circumstances before running to him. He RAN while the son still reeked of pigs and rebellion, embraced him in the MIDDLE of the mess, not after resolution. Your rage doesn't make Him hesitate—it makes Him run FASTER.