"Church leaders are all fake and just want to use me for their programs."
How it sounds in your head: They smiled at me until I stopped volunteering in kids church. Now they don't even say hi. They only care when I'm useful. I'm just free labor to them.
"The LORD has appeared of old to me, saying: 'Yes, I have loved you with an everlasting love; therefore with lovingkindness I have drawn you.'"
-- Jeremiah 31:3Source: Trauma from being valued for service rather than personhood in religious systems.
She experienced sudden coldness from leaders after saying no to a commitment, confirming her suspicion that she was only valued for what she could do. The pattern repeated when adults who seemed caring disappeared once she wasn't "useful."
Crippled, hiding, grandson of David's enemy, expecting execution—David brought him to the palace and gave him permanent place at the king's table, not for service but because of covenant love. He ate at the king's table every day despite being unable to walk or contribute anything.
I REFUSE the lie that I'm only valuable when I'm useful. IT IS WRITTEN that the Father has loved me with an EVERLASTING love—not conditional love, not performance love, but covenant love that existed before I could do anything for Him. Church leaders may have failed me, but the Father RUNS toward me even when I have nothing to offer. IT IS WRITTEN that while I was still a sinner, Christ died for me—I was loved at my worst, celebrated at my emptiest. I am Abraham's seed, heir according to PROMISE, blessed by the BARAK that protected liars and deceivers, and my worth is in my IDENTITY not my ACTIVITY.
The Father sees the bruises religion left on your heart and He's FURIOUS at systems that treated you like a volunteer instead of a daughter. He's not waiting for you to try church again—He's already running toward you with the robe of righteousness and the ring of authority, celebrating that you're HOME regardless of whether you ever serve anywhere again.