"Nobody would miss me if I wasn't here tomorrow."
How it sounds in your head: You have genuinely dark thoughts about what would happen if you just weren't here. Would anyone cry? Would anyone even notice? Maybe they'd be sad for a week and then life would go on. You don't think you matter enough to leave a hole.
"For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, says the Lord, thoughts of peace and not of evil, to give you a future and a hope."
-- Jeremiah 29:11This is a demonic assignment of death and suicide trying to erase you before you discover your purpose—the enemy knows what you'll become so he's trying to convince you you're worthless before you're old enough to fight back.
Depression is real, isolation is real, and at 13-15 your brain is literally restructuring in ways that make everything feel MORE intense and hopeless. You're experiencing real suicidal ideation, not just sadness, and the enemy is exploiting your developmental vulnerability.
Elijah was so depressed and suicidal he prayed to die, saying 'I've had enough, take my life.' God didn't rebuke him or tell him to get over it—He sent an angel with food, let him sleep, touched him gently, and INSTANTLY gave him strength to walk 40 days to his next assignment because Elijah's story wasn't over.
I REFUSE the demonic lie that nobody would miss me or that I don't matter. IT IS WRITTEN that God's thoughts toward me are of peace and not evil, to give me a FUTURE and a HOPE. IT IS WRITTEN that I am fearfully and wonderfully made, and His works are marvelous. I am not expendable—I am ESSENTIAL. I am not worthless—I am PRICELESS, bought with the blood of Jesus. The BARAK blessing preserved Abraham through famine, war, and failure because God had PLANS for him, and that same blessing is preserving ME because my story is not over. I will LIVE and declare the works of the Lord.
The Father is not waiting for you to feel better or be stronger to care about you—He's sitting beside you in your darkest moment, catching every tear, holding you through the depression, and whispering that your story is FAR from over. He didn't wait for Elijah to snap out of it—He fed him, let him rest, and gently touched him back to life because you are THAT valuable even at your lowest.