"I've grieved the Holy Spirit so much that He's withdrawn from me permanently."
How it sounds in your head: You ignored that conviction so many times. You felt Him pulling you back and you chose the sin anyway. There's a point where the Spirit stops striving with a person, and you hit it. That empty feeling you have is proof—He's gone, and you're on your own now.
"In Him you also trusted, after you heard the word of truth, the gospel of your salvation; in whom also, having believed, you were sealed with the Holy Spirit of promise, who is the guarantee of our inheritance until the redemption of the purchased possession, to the praise of His glory."
-- Ephesians 1:13-14Source: Misapplication of Genesis 6:3 ('My Spirit shall not strive with man forever') combined with enemy's accusation exploiting your emotional numbness.
Emotional numbness after repeated sin feels like abandonment. You don't 'feel' God anymore, and religion taught you that feeling His presence is proof of His approval, so the absence feels like proof of permanent rejection.
Samson violated his Nazarite vow repeatedly—touched dead bodies, attended pagan parties, slept with prostitutes. The Spirit left him temporarily when Delilah cut his hair, but when he cried out in the Philistine temple, God's strength came BACK immediately, and he killed more enemies in his death than in his life. Even after chronic compromise, one cry brought restoration.
I REFUSE the lie that I've permanently grieved away the Holy Spirit. IT IS WRITTEN that I am SEALED with the Spirit until the day of redemption—that seal doesn't break because of my sin. Feelings are not facts; numbness is not abandonment. IT IS WRITTEN that Jesus will NEVER leave me nor forsake me—that includes when I fail. The Spirit is the GUARANTEE of my inheritance, not a guest who leaves when things get messy. I am sealed, secure, and still His temple. The BARAK blessing means God's presence protects me even when I sin, just like it protected Abraham when he lied.
The Father didn't give you the Spirit as a reward for good behavior that gets withdrawn for bad behavior—He SEALED you with the Spirit as a permanent mark of ownership. He's still living inside you right now, interceding for you with groans too deep for words, even when you feel nothing.