"I'm too much work to be in relationship with. People would be happier without me."
How it sounds in your head: I see the relief in my husband's eyes when I leave for a weekend. My kids seem lighter when I'm not hovering. My friends probably meet up without me and breathe easier. Maybe I'm the common denominator in why my relationships feel heavy.
"The Lord your God is with you, the Mighty Warrior who saves. He will take great delight in you; in his love he will no longer rebuke you, but will rejoice over you with singing."
-- Zephaniah 3:17Enemy + trauma: Twisting your presence into burden and your love into weight.
You've felt the shift when you walk in a room - the tension, the guardedness, the sense that people are performing around you. You've questioned if your standards are too high, your expectations too much, your very existence too... complicated.
She had SEVEN DEMONS cast out of her - maximum baggage, maximum mess, maximum 'work.' Jesus didn't avoid her. He DELIVERED her, and she became one of His most devoted followers, FIRST WITNESS to the resurrection, FIRST EVANGELIST of the gospel. Her mess became her MESSAGE.
I REFUSE the lie that I am too much work to be loved well. IT IS WRITTEN that the Lord takes GREAT DELIGHT in me and REJOICES over me with SINGING - I am not a burden but a BELOVED. I am the righteousness of God in Christ Jesus, FULLY RECEIVED, not tolerated. The BARAK blessing covers my RELATIONSHIPS - favor with those assigned to me, protection from those who aren't, DIVINE CONNECTIONS that celebrate my complexity. IT IS WRITTEN that perfect love casts out fear - and the people He's bringing me love WITHOUT FEAR of my depth. I am Mary Magdalene - my deliverance is my DEVOTION, my story is my STRENGTH.
The Father is NOT relieved when you're absent - He's GRIEVED. He's running toward you with the people who have been ASKING Him for someone real, someone deep, someone like YOU, celebrating that you're finally ready to believe you're not too much - you're EXACTLY ENOUGH.