"If my future spouse hides spending from me, it means they don't respect me as the man."
How it sounds in your head: Real men control the money. If she's sneaking purchases or hiding receipts, she's basically saying I'm not man enough to lead. My dad let my mom walk all over him financially and everyone lost respect for him. I won't be that guy.
"Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself for her."
-- Ephesians 5:25Source: World's definition of masculine leadership as financial control and domination rather than Christlike servant leadership.
You've seen weak financial leadership modeled as doormat behavior, so you're overcorrecting toward control. Culture screams that male worth equals income and financial authority. Any threat to that feels like an attack on your identity as a man.
When Mary was pregnant and it looked like betrayal, Joseph could've publicly shamed her to prove his righteousness. Instead he planned to divorce her QUIETLY to protect her - then God intervened with truth. His manhood was displayed through mercy, not control.
I REFUSE the lie that my manhood requires financial control. IT IS WRITTEN that I love as Christ loved - through sacrifice, not domination. My identity as a man is secure in Christ, not in controlling bank accounts. IT IS WRITTEN that I am blessed coming in and going out, the head and not the tail - this is POSITIONAL blessing from the BARAK covenant, not something I earn by controlling my future wife's spending. The Father is establishing me as a servant-leader whose strength is secure enough to invite partnership. I walk in Christlike authority that gives life, not fear.
The Father is whispering, 'Son, your manhood was SETTLED at the cross - you don't have to prove it by controlling money.' He's giving you the robe of identity as a man who leads through love, the ring of authority that doesn't need to dominate, and sandals that walk in security because HIS opinion of you is the only one that matters.