"If I forgive my abusive parent, I'm saying what they did was okay."
How it sounds in your head: People keep telling me to forgive, but they don't know what happened. The abuse was REAL. The damage was REAL. If I forgive, I'm minimizing it, excusing it, letting them off the hook. Justice demands I hold this grudge.
"Bearing with one another, and forgiving one another, if anyone has a complaint against another; even as Christ forgave you, so you also must do."
-- Colossians 3:13Religion twisting forgiveness into endorsement, making unforgiveness feel like righteous justice when it's actually a prison.
The abuse WAS evil. Forgiveness feels like betrayal of his younger self who suffered. Anger feels like the only witness to the injustice, the only voice for the voiceless child he was.
Being stoned to death by religious mob, rocks crushing his skull. His response while dying: 'Lord, do NOT charge them with this sin.' He forgave his murderers WHILE THEY MURDERED HIM—instant release, instant freedom, instant glory.
I REFUSE the lie that forgiveness equals endorsement. IT IS WRITTEN that I forgive as Christ forgave me—not because the sin was small, but because the CROSS was big. What they did was EVIL. What Jesus did was SUFFICIENT. I am not minimizing the abuse—I am maximizing the power of the blood. IT IS WRITTEN in Romans 12:19 that vengeance belongs to the Lord, not to me. I release them into God's hands and release MYSELF from the prison of unforgiveness. The BARAK blessing cannot flow through clenched fists—I open my hands and receive. I forgive not because they deserve it, but because I deserve to be FREE. I am no longer defined by what was done TO me. I am defined by what was done FOR me at Calvary.
The Father is not asking you to pretend it didn't happen. He's inviting you to let HIM carry what you were never meant to carry. He saw every moment of abuse—He was there, weeping with you—and He's ready to take the weight RIGHT NOW.