"I need to cut them off completely until they repent."
How it sounds in your head: The boundaries books say don't enable. Tough love means consequences. If you keep the door open, you're condoning their choices. Maybe they need to feel the full weight of your absence to realize what they've lost. Separation will motivate their return.
"And he arose and came to his father. But when he was still a great way off, his father saw him and had compassion, and ran and fell on his neck and kissed him."
-- Luke 15:20Religious misapplication of boundaries theology, confusing consequences with rejection, creating a system where love is transactional and withheld until behavior changes.
You've watched Dr. Phil and read the Christian books on boundaries. Everyone says enabling is the enemy of growth. Your friends say you're too soft. Maybe withdrawal is the catalyst they need. Tough love worked for someone's cousin's kid.
God commanded Hosea to take back his wife Gomer even while she was ACTIVELY in adultery—to buy her back from slavery and love her unconditionally. This was the entire prophetic point: God's love doesn't wait for repentance to be extended; it pursues WHILE we're still in sin, and that relentless love is what transforms.
I REFUSE the lie that love should be withheld until they change. IT IS WRITTEN that the father ran to the prodigal while he was still filthy—love isn't the reward for repentance, it's the catalyst FOR it. I can have boundaries that protect my peace without closing my heart. IT IS WRITTEN that God demonstrates His love for us in that while we were STILL sinners, Christ died for us. The BARAK blessing doesn't require my child to perform first. I will be the safe place that never locks, the light in the window that never goes out, because that's how my Father treats me.
Right now the Father is whispering to your child about your love—using your unconditional acceptance as evidence of His own. While religion says cut them off, the Father says your open arms are the prophetic picture that will eventually draw them home to His. Keep the porch light on.