"God let this happen because I ignored His warnings."
How it sounds in your head: You felt uneasy early on but stayed anyway. God was probably trying to warn you and you didn't listen. Now you're suffering consequences of ignoring His voice. Maybe if you'd been more spiritually sensitive, God would have protected you.
"And we know that all things work together for good to those who love God, to those who are the called according to His purpose."
-- Romans 8:28Religion makes God into a withholder who punishes imperfect discernment, instead of a Father who redeems even our mistakes.
You did feel uncertain at times, and now that it ended badly, those moments feel like divine warnings you ignored. It seems to explain why God 'allowed' such pain.
Jonah blatantly IGNORED God's clear command, ran the opposite direction, caused a storm, got thrown overboard, and was swallowed by a fish. God didn't leave him to drown as 'consequence'—He SAVED him in the belly of the fish, heard his prayer, and STILL used him mightily.
I REFUSE the lie that God punishes imperfect discernment with abandonment. IT IS WRITTEN that ALL things work together for good for those who love God—not just things I navigate perfectly. My Father is not a withholder waiting for me to miss a sign so He can withdraw protection. The barak protected Abraham when HE was the one deceiving kings; it protected Jacob when HE was the deceiver. That same covenant blessing covers ME. IT IS WRITTEN that I am blessed coming in and going out, and NO weapon formed against me prospers—even weapons I didn't see coming. God is not punishing me; He's REDEEMING this. I am covered by the blood of Jesus, and that coverage doesn't depend on perfect spiritual hearing.
The Father is holding you close, whispering, 'I don't punish you for not being omniscient—that's MY job, not yours.' He's not withholding; He's RIGHT NOW turning this devastation into a testimony that will set captives free, just like He did for Jonah in the fish's belly.