"God is displeased that after decades of faith I'm still so weak and needy."
How it sounds in your head: You should be strong by now—solid, unshakeable, a rock for others. Instead you still need encouragement, still get shaken by circumstances, still cry out for help. Mature believers are self-sufficient warriors; you're still a dependent child. God is displeased with your continued weakness after all this time.
"And He said to me, 'My grace is sufficient for you, for My strength is made perfect in weakness.' Therefore most gladly I will rather boast in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me. Therefore I take pleasure in infirmities, in reproaches, in needs, in persecutions, in distresses, for Christ's sake. For when I am weak, then I am strong."
-- 2 Corinthians 12:9-10Source: Western self-sufficiency values baptized as spiritual maturity—enemy's lie that growth means needing God LESS rather than more deeply.
You genuinely feel you should be 'past' needing so much help, comfort, reassurance. Other men your age seem spiritually self-reliant; you still feel dependent, fragile, needy. It looks like failed maturity.
Elijah called fire from heaven, defeated 450 prophets of Baal, then RAN in fear from Jezebel and begged God to kill him under a tree—suicidal depression immediately after greatest victory. God's response? Fed him, let him sleep, gave him 40 more days of ministry. No rebuke for weakness after strength—only TENDERNESS.
I REFUSE the lie that God is displeased with my continued neediness. IT IS WRITTEN His strength is made PERFECT in weakness—my dependence is the EXACT condition He works best in. Elijah went from mountain-top victory to suicidal depression in 24 hours and God fed him tenderly. Paul BOASTED in weakness. IT IS WRITTEN I am a BRANCH—branches are DEPENDENT by design, not defect. Self-sufficiency is the enemy's trophy; dependence is the Father's delight. The BARAK protected Abraham through weakness, fear, and lies. God isn't waiting for me to grow strong enough to not need Him—He's PLEASED when I come weak, again, still, always. This is RELATIONSHIP, not graduation.
The Father isn't displeased with your neediness—He DESIGNED you for dependence. While you're ashamed of still needing Him, He's delighted you haven't outgrown crying out, like a dad whose grown son still calls him first in crisis. That's not immaturity—that's INTIMACY.