"God is disappointed I never dealt with the trauma properly—I just survived."
How it sounds in your head: I stuffed down the abuse, the betrayals, the losses. I got through by getting busy, not by getting healed. Other women seem to have done the deep work. I just coped and kept going. God deserved better.
"To console those who mourn in Zion, to give them beauty for ashes, the oil of joy for mourning, the garment of praise for the spirit of heaviness; that they may be called trees of righteousness, the planting of the Lord, that He may be glorified."
-- Isaiah 61:3Source: Psychology's hierarchy that ranks processed trauma above survival grace and clinical healing above lived resilience.
She sees women who did therapy, workshops, and healing ministries and compares her survival to their articulated healing. The enemy whispers that coping mechanisms were weak faith.
Abused, pregnant, and abandoned in the desert by her mistress, Hagar didn't have a support group or therapy. God met her in the wilderness and she named Him 'The God Who Sees.' Her survival was her testimony.
I REFUSE the lie that my survival disappoints God. IT IS WRITTEN that He gives beauty for ashes—not a formula for processing pain. My getting up every day WAS healing. IT IS WRITTEN that God is near to the brokenhearted—He never waited for me to heal 'correctly' before coming close. I am the righteousness of God in Christ Jesus, and every breath I took through the pain was a miracle He celebrated.
The Father doesn't have a rubric for proper healing. He sees the woman who survived what should have destroyed her, and He calls her a tree of righteousness—not because she processed perfectly, but because she's still ROOTED.