"Struggling with suicidal thoughts means I'm not really a Christian."
How it sounds in your head: How can I be saved and still want to die sometimes? Christians are supposed to have abundant life. This darkness must mean I never really knew Jesus at all.
"Therefore now, O Lord, please take my life from me, for it is better for me to die than to live!"
-- Jonah 4:3Source: Teaching that salvation is proven by constant emotional victory rather than Christ's finished work.
Church songs are all about joy and victory. No one talks about the Christian girl cutting in the bathroom. Her dark thoughts feel like proof she's outside God's family.
Job - called 'blameless and upright' by God Himself - cursed the day of his birth and wished he'd died in the womb. God never called this sin or questioned Job's standing, and eventually restored him double.
I REFUSE the lie that suicidal thoughts disqualify me from God's family. IT IS WRITTEN that Jonah, Moses, and Elijah all begged to die, and God called them beloved. My salvation rests on CHRIST'S work, not my mental state. IT IS WRITTEN nothing can separate me from God's love - not death, not life, not ANYTHING. I am sealed by the Holy Spirit, Abraham's seed, and the BARAK covers my darkest moments. Jesus holds me when I can't hold myself.
The Father is running toward you in the darkness, the same way He sent an angel to feed suicidal Elijah. He's not waiting for you to 'get better' to love you - He's declaring you BELOVED in the pit.