"If I was a better wife, they wouldn't have hidden money from me."
How it sounds in your head: Maybe if I didn't judge their purchases, they'd feel safe being honest. If I was more fun, less controlling, more easygoing about money, they wouldn't have felt the need to lie. I created an environment where lying felt necessary.
"The soul who sins shall die. The son shall not bear the guilt of the father, nor the father bear the guilt of the son. The righteousness of the righteous shall be upon himself, and the wickedness of the wicked shall be upon himself."
-- Ezekiel 18:20Enemy speaks: you're responsible for their deception, your inadequacy drove them to hide, their sin is actually your failure.
You did question purchases. You did have opinions about spending. Maybe you were critical. If you'd been more accepting, maybe they would've been more honest. Their defensiveness feels like evidence that you were the problem.
Sapphira and Ananias lied about money together, but when judgment came, Peter questioned them SEPARATELY. Each was held accountable for their OWN lie, their OWN choice to deceive. God didn't blame one for the other's decision—each bore their own consequence.
I REFUSE the lie that their deception is my fault. IT IS WRITTEN that the wickedness of the wicked shall be upon HIMSELF—I do NOT carry their choices. I am not responsible for preventing their sin. IT IS WRITTEN that each one bears his own load. I am the RIGHTEOUSNESS of God in Christ regardless of their decisions. The BARAK blessing is on ME because of covenant, not because I managed my spouse perfectly. My Father isn't blaming me for their hiding. He's DEFENDING me, like He defended Abraham even when Abraham was the LIAR. I am free from false responsibility.
The Father isn't asking what you did to cause their lying—He's asking what they need to take responsibility for their choices. While you've been shouldering blame that isn't yours, He's been reminding you that you're RIGHTEOUS, not responsible for someone else's sin.