"If I had never been born, everyone would have been better off."
How it sounds in your head: I've run the calculation my whole life - subtract me from the family equation and everything improves. Less mouths to feed, less conflict, less disappointment. My absence would have been the solution.
"For we are His workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand that we should walk in them."
-- Ephesians 2:10Source: Enemy planting death wish disguised as altruism, suicide spirit offering 'noble exit,' depression convincing person they're net negative to world.
You've watched family dynamics and done the math - every problem seems to trace back to your existence. At 80+, you're thinking 'they're waiting for me to die anyway, might as well have happened 80 years ago.'
Murderer of Christians, enemy of the church, 'breathing threats' - many would say the church would be better off if Saul was never born. Instead, God knocked him down, renamed him, and he wrote two-thirds of the New Testament. The 'world would be better without him' became the one the world desperately needed.
I REFUSE the lie that the world would be better without me. IT IS WRITTEN that I am God's WORKMANSHIP, created for GOOD WORKS He prepared beforehand. There are divine assignments with MY name on them that would go UNFULFILLED without me. IT IS WRITTEN that I have come that I might have LIFE and have it ABUNDANTLY - that's God's will for me, not death, not erasure, not subtraction. My 80+ years are NOT wasted years - they are ASSIGNED years walking in prepared works. I am not net negative - I am NECESSARY. I REJECT the death wish and RECEIVE the life call.
The Father doesn't look at creation and wish He'd skipped you - He looks at His workmanship and says 'THAT one - that's the son through whom I'll accomplish these specific works.' Your life isn't a problem to solve by absence, it's a masterpiece to celebrate in presence.