"I need to financially punish my spouse so they understand the seriousness of their betrayal."
How it sounds in your head: They need to feel the consequences. Cut up their cards. Put them on an allowance. Make them account for every penny. Otherwise they'll just do it again. Pain is the only teacher that works for financial irresponsibility.
"Or do you despise the riches of His goodness, forbearance, and longsuffering, not knowing that the goodness of God leads you to repentance?"
-- Romans 2:4Source: World's system of punishment as change agent - opposite of the Kingdom where GOODNESS leads to repentance, not suffering.
You were hurt and you want them to understand the depth of that hurt through experiencing consequences. Culture teaches that pain changes behavior, and that protection requires control. It feels like wisdom, not revenge.
Onesimus was a slave who STOLE from Philemon and ran away (financial betrayal plus desertion). Paul told Philemon to receive him back 'no longer as a slave but as a BELOVED BROTHER' and said 'if he has wronged you or owes you anything, put that on MY account' - instant forgiveness, no punishment, debt canceled.
I REFUSE the lie that punishment changes hearts. IT IS WRITTEN that the GOODNESS of God leads to repentance - not my enforcement of consequences but His kindness flowing through me. God didn't put me on a payment plan when I betrayed Him with MY secret sins - He threw me a party. IT IS WRITTEN that I am blessed with the BARAK covenant that RESTORES the years the locust has eaten - my job is to release them into God's goodness, not control them into change. The Father is empowering me to love with His supernatural kindness that transforms. Perfect love casts out the fear I'm tempted to use as a tool.
The Father is whispering, 'I could've punished you for every secret thing you did, but instead I ran toward you with a robe - give them what I gave you.' He's clothing you with the robe of My-goodness-flowing-through-you, the ring of authority to cancel debts as I canceled yours, and He's preparing the fattened calf of restoration that waits for mercy, not punishment.