"God is testing my endurance by making me wait, and I'll fail if I stop praying."
How it sounds in your head: Maybe this decades-long wait is a test of your persistence, and if you stop now after all these years, you'll lose everything. You have to keep pushing through even though you're exhausted, or God will think you didn't want it badly enough.
"If a son asks for bread from any father among you, will he give him a stone? Or if he asks for a fish, will he give him a serpent instead of a fish? Or if he asks for an egg, will he offer him a scorpion? If you then, being evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your heavenly Father give the Holy Spirit to those who ask Him!"
-- Luke 11:11-13Religious performance theology that makes God a cruel taskmaster testing your stamina instead of a Father who gives good gifts.
The parable of the persistent widow seems to teach that you have to keep asking to wear God down. Your decades of prayer feel like they'd be wasted if you stop now before the breakthrough.
Bartimaeus cried out to Jesus and people told him to be quiet, but he cried out MORE. Jesus stopped, called him over, and asked what he wanted. Bartimaeus said 'I want to see,' and Jesus healed him IMMEDIATELY, saying 'your faith has made you well.' One encounter, instant breakthrough, not years of proving persistence.
I REFUSE the lie that God is testing my endurance by withholding. IT IS WRITTEN that my Father gives GOOD gifts, not stones disguised as tests. He's not an unjust judge who needs to be worn down—He's a Father who RUNS toward me with answers. My persistence isn't to convince Him; it's because I KNOW He's good even when I can't see the answer yet. I am Abraham's seed, and the BARAK blessing isn't earned through prayer marathons but received through COVENANT. IT IS WRITTEN that God is not a man that He should lie—what He promised, He will do, and it's not contingent on my perfect endurance. I rest in His goodness, not in my performance, and breakthrough comes because He's FAITHFUL, not because I finally did enough.
Your Father isn't counting how many days you can hold on before He decides you're worthy—He's already decided you're beloved, and He's preparing an answer that has nothing to do with your stamina. Like the prodigal's father who was watching daily for return, your Father is looking for the moment to run with the answer, not testing if you'll quit.